Forbidden Love
by LadyInfam0us
Summary: Leafpool decided to turn back to help her clanmates during the vicious badger attack, but her heart is telling her to go a different way. Surely Starclan could see that love this strong could never be broken. Crowfeather and her were meant to be. May Starclan guide them. (Follows Book 5 Twilight of the New Prophecy)
1. Chapter 1

I woke in the medicine cats den. The sun was shining in and for that i was grateful. The whole clan was now just getting over the vicious badger attack that had killed Sootfur and Cinderpelt.

I felt deep sorrow for my mentors death. If i had not been away with Crowfeather maybe i could have prevented it. But nothing could change that now.

I got to my paws and peered out. It was early sun high so most of the border patrols were already out. Hunting patrols were just about to be started. The clan had also been working on repairing the camp from the battle.

I felt deep shame deep inside but i also felt relief. I had come back to the place where i belonged, with the clan i belonged to. And even though i felt guilty, Crowfeather was to meet me at the river by Moonpool tonight.

At the thought of him i purred. How could it be so wrong to be in love with a cat just because he was from a different clan? The warrior code dictates that clans should be seperate but love is not seperate. I cant hide my feelings any better then he can. We were in love.

But i was also a medicine cat. I was to have no kits, have no mate. I was going against the warrior code just by seeing him. But for some reason i just could not let him go. Surely Starclan could see that i wasnt betraying my clan, i was just staying true to my heart.

Even so, i still felt guilt.

"Leafpool! Come quick Ferncloud is having stomach pains. Her kits might be on the way!" Dustpelt said bursting into the den.

"I will go at once." I replied.

I quickly made my way to the nursery. Inside Ferncloud was laying on her side breathing hard. I went up and pushed my body against hers to feel if she was hot. She wasnt. Next i pressed my paws on her upper chest, to which she whimpered. She had a belly ache.

"Dont worry, Its just a belly ache. Your kits are not coming just yet."

"Thanks Leafpool. It just hurt so bad and i didnt know if it was time."

"Thats alright, i'll have Dustpelt bring you some Juniper Berries to help settle the stomach." She nodded her head and thanks and i departed.

Firestar was at the highledge looking down at the camp. My heart surged with pride as i looked upon my father. What did he think of my actions? I didnt want to find out. I quickly made my way back into my den.

Cinderpelt had kept the den pretty well organized before she went to Starclan. We were running low on Yarrow and Chervile but i knew good places to find each herb. I went over to Cinderpelts nest. I could still smell her scent.

I bowed my head in memory and then started the task of taking out the old bedding. Nothing could replace the ache i felt for my mentor. She was hunting pray up in Starclan now. They would take good care of her.

After the bedding was cleared, i laid in the den's opening and watched my clanmates. The warrior den was just about empty. The apprentice's were out doing apprentice duties. Clearing out bedding, checking for ticks, assisting the elders. The nursery was all mews. Things were going back to the way they were before the badger attack.

The only thing missing was Cinderpelt, and my heart.

Crowfeather stole my heart. Him and my sister both went on the journey to the Sun-Drown Place, and i dont know even how i fell for him in the first place. He was sullen and kinda grim. I knew he fell in love with another cat from Riverclan, Feathertail. But she had perished with the Tribe of Endless Hunting.

It had left him with a dark whole in his heart. But i had come along and all that had changed. He sneaked into my soul just as easily as i did him. He even told me that he thought he'd never feel this way after Feathertail.

So many obstacles stood in our way. He was a cat of Windclan whereas i was Thunderclan. And to top it all off, i was a medicine cat. That was my calling. My head was full of herbs, but my heart full of him.

i stifled a sigh. There was work to be done. I padded out into the clearing and made for the entrance to the camp. There was a patch of yarrow just down by the river. I had to collect more just in case.

Brackenfur was on guard duty.

"Going out Leafpool?"

"Yes, were low on some supplies and i couldnt sit in camp anymore."

He seemed awkward being around me. News of my departure when my clan needed me most had struck some cats harder then others.

"Did you want an escort?"

"No, i'll just be down by the river. I shouldnt be too long."

He let me pass.

I pushed my way through the brambles and started at a fast trot. I could collect my supplies and be back in time for night fall. Then i would have to find some way to sneak out of camp. I could always sneak through the brambles in the dirt place.

I felt guilt slam into me. I was a medicine cat sneaking out of camp to meet another clan member. I pushed it aside. There was too much sorrow in the camp, i didnt need to add more.

I found my way to the river. Clumps of yarrow were bunched up against some rocks. I quickly clipped the stems and collected as mush as i could carry. With my mouth full i slowly went back to camp.

This was my life. Collecting, healing, and sharing tongues with Starclan. In no time at all i was back at the camp's entrance. Ashfur was on guard now. I gave him a nod and slipped past. Patrols were still out and the fresh kill pile had been restocked.

I put my herb in the medicine store and went for something to eat. The kill pile was a little small, so i only took a small vole. I took it to my den and ate. Taking little bites to make the time go faster. Night fall was closing in and soon all patrols would be back. Then when it was safe, i was to go meet Crowfeather.

The evening patrol finally made its way back. Cloudtail was sharing food with Brightheart. Squirreltail was laying near Brambleclaw. Everything was the way it was supposed to be. Before you knew it, all cats were going into their dens.

I laid in the mouth of my den waiting. I had to wait til at least most of the cats were asleep. Firestar was the last to depart to his den with Sandstorm. I was anxious and nervous at the same time. I waited til it was almost dusk and started for the dirt place. No cat could accuse me of sneaking out if im in here. They had Thornclaw by the entrance but slipping through here meant i didnt have to go anywhere near him.

I went to the back where the brambles were thick. I pushed some aside with my paws. Trying to make little noise as possible. I squeezed through the gap and pushed some back to cover the hole.

I cautiously sneaked around the camps edge to avoid being detected by Thornclaw. I trotted through the trees always on the look out for other cats. Once i made it through the forrest it would be an easy walk to the river.

The river made way to the two-leg place that we had stayed at while we were leaving our clans. We wouldnt meet there this time, but it was a useful place to have. The river came into sight. I walked along side it, following the path. He should be here any minute now.

And then i seen him, and my whole world stopped. He was beautiful. All Windclan cats were small and sleep to catch prey on the moorlands, but to me he was perfect. All other cats saw him as prickly but he treated me with tenderness that i've never felt before.

He was sitting by the river, looking downcast. As if he thought i wouldnt come? But when he heard me coming, his whole face lit up. He ran to me and i to him. I rubbed my pelt all down his flank.

"Leafpool you came!"

"I couldnt stay away, you know that"

"I thought maybe you had changed your mind..."

I rubbed my cheek against his cheek and replied.

"I could never change my mind about you. I love you,"

"And i love you too. I couldnt stand still this whole day hoping that you would be here, and hoping that you would feel the same."

"I could not stay away. I will admit that i dont feel that my clan would approve but my heart says this is right."

He rubbed against me once more. We laid by the river, content in each others warmth. I didnt want this to end. I wanted him with me at all times. Not just when we could sneak away from our clan. It wasnt right. Every cat has a choice in what they do, but no choice in who they love. This was real. This was supposed to happen.

"I dont want to be without you Crowfeather."

"Me either, but we are from different clans, and you are a medicine cat. There is no other choice."

"You could live with me in Thunderclan?"

"I love my clan Leafpool. I am loyal to Windclan. I couldnt hunt in your forrests. I was born on the moor's. Why dont you come with me?"

"On the moor's? I couldnt do that either. There has to be a way!"

We sat in silence thinking. Why did life have to be so hard. I wanted Crowfeather as my mate. That was not something so complex. I would find a way. No matter what. We would be together. Starclan guide me in my next action.

"I will go to my father. I will tell him that we are as one or not at all. I will not be seperated from you and i will not live in agony anymore over this. Either we be allowed to live together or we dont live here at all. We were going to leave once, and i can do it again. I love my clan, and i am loyal as i will ever be. But this is tearing my heart apart. There is no reason why we should not be together. I will talk to him and i will make him see reason."

Crowfeather sat across from me and looked into my eyes for what seemed like ages. All i wanted to do was to be here, next to him. For all of my life, and the next. Something this strong, could not be torn apart just yet.

Alls he had to say, were a few words.

"Starclan help us."


	2. Chapter 2

It was dark when i made my way back to camp. I was nervous and i didnt know what exactly to say. I would have to make a decision quick because tomorrow i would talk to my father. I had no clue to what his reception would be. I could not live without my mate any longer. The warrior code meant alot to the clans, it meant alot to me. But my heart meant alot more.

I trodded through the dirt place and slowly crept to my den. It would be a restless night for me. I didnt know how i would be able to sleep. Thoughts of Crowfeather stayed in my mind. I loved him. Couldnt they see that?

When dawn finally broke i knew it was time to get up. A few of the warriors were already out and about. Border patrols would be starting soon enough. I waited on the outskirts for my father to awaken. It didnt take long before a flame colored pelt finally made its way out of the leaders den. My heart leaped in my chest. This was it. But how would i get him alone to speak to him?

I waited while he shared words with Sandstorm. Watching my parents always reminded me that they would understand because they were in love too. When Firestar finally left her i made my way over.

"Firestar, may i speak to you?"

He looked at me and nodded once.

"I was hoping somewhere a little more quieter."

He looked at me with a hint of suprise. "I was just on my way to check out the river with Brambleclaw but im sure he will be fine with some other duty, you can come instead."

I meowed my thanks and followed him to the camps entrance. He nodded at the cat on duty and we slipped through the bracken. We didnt speak, we just casually walked through the forest. Birds chirped, i could hear mice in the undergrowth. Prey was running plenty for Thunderclan. When we finally reached the lake he sat down by the shore and looked out across its surface. I sat beside him and waited.

"How are you Leafpool?"

He hadnt tore his gaze from the river as he asked that.

"I am fine.."

"We dont talk much with everything that has been going on, and i miss that."

I brushed my flank against his. "I know that father, this has been a troubling time for the clan."

He bowed his head in memory of our fallen warriors. Cinderpelt had been his apprentice before the thunderpath monster struck her and damaged her leg. Cinderpelt couldnt ever be a warrior after that, and she knew her father felt guilt over it still. I bowed my head with him. Some things of grief could only be shared by silence.

"Is there something important that you wanted to discuss with me?" Firestar asked finally looking at me. My tongue stuck in my throat. This was it. I should be declaring my intentions proudly. But the affection in his eyes brought me to a halt. My father loved me. He always would no matter what. But the warrior code meant alot to him. It always would.

"Do you know why i left...tried to leave?" I asked.

"Is it because of a young cat named Crowfeather? A cat of another clan?"

I averted my gaze and didnt say anything.

"Leafpool, you are not the first to love another from another clan and you probably wont be the last. But the warrior code dictates that clans are to be seperate. Thats our loyal code that every cat must live by."

"But the other cats have done it! Surely it couldnt be bad to love?"

He lowered his eyes. "I once knew a cat that fell in love with a Riverclan cat. He was as loyal as any cat could be. And even though it hurt to disobey the warrior code he still did for the sake of his love for her. She ended up with kits, and she ended up dying. He never got over that. It was hard for them. It was hard for the clan. You'd feel like you were tearing apart. Do you really want that?"

"I would suffer anything for him. You love our mother surely you would feel devastated if something were to happen to her? How do you think i feel, seperated only by the their borders. I love him dad and i dont want to lose him."

"Leafpool i understand that but your a medicine cat as well. Your first duty should be to your clan not yourself. You gave up those rights of a mate when you became medicine cat. Are you going to break your word to Starclan? For what? I know you feel in love, but in time it will go away. Your path is in Thunderclan as our medicine cat. What would the clan do without you?"

I felt shame boiling in my gut. I knew his words made sense but i didnt want to lose the one thing i had in this world. The warrior code meant everything to him, and the clan. I didnt understand why i couldnt have loyalty and Crowfeather.

"Firestar i know that i am needed, i know that the warrior code dictates clans should not be together. I know! But i love him. I love him more then i could ever say. He is the other part of me. How could i go on knowing he is out there, but knowing i also cant be with him? It would kill me."

Firestar turned his eyes back to the lake. We sat for a few minutes in silence. Each of us pondering our own thoughts. I didnt know what there was to do. Crowfeather would have to be a Thunderclan cat, but no cat would trust him. His allegiance would always belong to Windclan. I felt my heart breaking.

I would have to leave. That was the only way. We would never be allowed to be together here. Not torn from our clans, and not separated from our clans. Our love would have to blossom somewhere else. What that would mean for my clan i had no idea. We would be leaving behind all that we had ever known. And all for the sake of love.

"Your right father, there is no place here for our love."

Firestar turned to me with sorrow but also relief.

"I will have to make my own way. Be in a place where our love can be free and not be made as if it were wrong. I love you, and i love our clan, but i love Crowfeather more."

I turned and ran away, leaving my father in shock.

I had become a rogue.

And i hoped with all my heart that i wouldnt be a rogue alone.


	3. Chapter 3

I waited at our usual place. I still couldnt shake the hurt in my fathers gaze as i declared my intentions. How could i leave this place? My clan was here. We had traveled on the Great Journey together to reach here. Starclan sent us here for a reason. I felt torn in two. Our clans would never accept us. Firestar said he'd known a cat who had done the same thing, yet he couldnt see the pain inside me. I just couldnt forget Crowfeather no matter how hard i tried. Love was sacrifices, and this was the biggest one for me yet.

I didnt want to leave my clan. It would be hard to never see my kin again. Being a medicine cat was my calling and i enjoyed it alot. I had found my place but then it all fell apart. Duty asked of me to stop this nonsense, but my heart would not let go. What duty would require you to break your own heart? I knew of the damage being with someone in another clan. I could not suffer my kits not being around their father. I could not suffer without him. What other choice did i have?

I put my head in my paws. The moonlight basked the river in a warm glow, but i felt so cold. I could smell no prey around me. It was like i was all alone out here. Was this the path i was destined to walk? Was i doomed when i first cast my eyes upon him?

I had been sitting here waiting ever since i talked to Firestar. I had avoided border patrols from both clans by hiding near some boulders by the stream. My father had sent out a search patrol but i easily avoided that as well. They would not drag me home. My home was not there. My home was where my heart was. And my heart was out on the moor.

I heard paw steps. I lowered myself down in case it was a Windclan patrol. I was near their border but still on Thunderclan territory. I didnt want to be discovered this close to their territory though, they might not take it kindly. Medicine cats were allowed to go where they needed as long as they had good reason. Im sure meeting one of their clanmates was not a good enough reason.

When his black pelt came winding through the rocks i straightened up. He had come, just like i knew he would. I ran to him and brushed my pelt alongside his. I breathed in his rabbit like scent. I had come to love that smell.

"Your early, usually im here before you are." Crowfeather murmered. He looked tired. I didnt realize til now how his meetings with me must be affecting his warrior duties.

"I had to talk to you...I talked to Firestar today."

"What? Why! Do you understand the trouble this will cause? Our clans can not know we are still seeing each other." He jumped to his paws clearly worried. I sat back on my haunches and began to speak.

"I told him that even though i follow the warrior code that i also had to follow my heart. We have no place here. We knew that before and we know that now. I came back to help my clan and i have done so. I can not go on without you."

I lowered my eyes. I could not begin to fathom the darkness that would be inside me if i never seen him again. He was my everything. He was the stars in my sky. The wind beneath my wings. The sky to my horizon. I curled my tail around my body. I couldnt lose him.

He padded closer and sat beside me. He took his tail and entwined it with mine.

"Leafpool, every night i come to see you. I go to my warrior duties tired. I break the warrior code by even being here. I have kin in my clan. My clan looks to me for support and strength. They need me just as your clan needs you."

I ripped my tail back. These were not the words i had wanted to hear. I knew his importance and my own as well. I knew that this would be something that there was no going back to. It would be a sacrifice. And apparently a sacrifice that i was only willing to make. I bristled my fur and left him sitting there by the river. I was stupid to think that my love could change the stars, the stars were just as bullheaded as everyone else.

"Leafpool wait, you didnt let me finish!" He meowed loudly behind me. I turned around. He was on all paws standing ready to chase me. I sat where i had been standing. My fur still bristled with anger.

He trodded to where i sat. I could not read the expression in his eyes. Was there love there? Or had my love led me to believe something that wasnt true? He sat beside me once more and closed his eyes. I let him sit there until i couldnt stand it any longer. I swatted him with a paw. He jerked his eyes open and looked at me with an expression of disbelief.

I couldnt help but purr with amusement. My anger had dissolved quickly.

"I thought medicine cats were supposed to heal not smack cats?" he meowed with amusement back.

"We have many duties. Some duties include teaching mouse dunged cats how to speak when spoken to."

He looked at me and sighed.

"You didnt let me finish. I do my warrior duties tired because i want to. I would rather spend all night with you here under the stars, then back in my den all alone. I catch prey and pretend im catching it for you. I leave our meetings with pain deep inside where no cat can touch. I need you like i need to breathe. I never thought that i would need someone more then i needed my own self. If i cant have you, then i dont want anyone else. How could i go through my life with nothing but lies? Starclan gave me you and i intend to have you."

He licked the top of my head with affection. So this was the way it was. He felt just the same as i did. Would any cat understand? Would any cat be sympathetic? This was not easy but it was the way it was. Starclan doesnt control everything. They see and hear and help us the best they can. But sometimes we have to help ourselves. I did not fall in love because Starclan willed it. I fell in love because Starclan gave me that choice. We all have choices that we have to make. We all decide how to live. Whether nobly by the warrior code or taking our own paths. I was going to have to figure out that path.

I snuggled closer to him for a few heartbeats more. I wanted to cherish this moment. Cherish this time. I gazed out into the forest. I wanted to remember this place. I wanted to remember these clans. No matter how far i would have to go, i would always remember the place that i had called home. Maybe someday i would return. To at least see how the clans were doing. My sister would miss me dearly. My whole clan would. I would never forget these cats, i would always remember them as i had least seen them. Strong fierce and noble. Thats what made a Thunderclan cat, a Thunderclan cat.

"I have already left my clan Crowfeather. I can not go back."

"You already left before knowing my choice?" he asked.

"I knew i loved you and that was enough. We will have to spend the night outside the borders and then tomorrow we will have to leave. Find a place where a cat can love without being prosecuted. Find a place where we belong."

He looked at me and in that gaze i knew all i needed to know. It would be hard. It would take all that we had. But we were willing to give all that we had. We would make our own way. Shape our own path. And only Starclan could know where we would end up.


	4. Chapter 4

We woke at dawn. We couldnt stay near this stream another night. The clan patrols had missed us so far but we didnt want to press our luck.

"Where should we start heading?" Crowfeather asked me.

"Lets keep following the stream. Prey usually stick close to water."

He gave my head an affectionate lick and we started following the river. It was a nice sunny day outside. The wind was blowing and here i was beside my mate. A mate that i never thought i would have. We were on a journey and it was a little scary, but i had Crowfeather by my side.

I watched him as we walked. His head held high. In this light he looked more grey then at night. I thought he was truly beautiful.

We followed the stream for a little bit and then decided to stop and eat. "I'll go find us some prey, this should be a good area. I'll be back shortly." Crowfeather said giving me a quick brush with his pelt. I had had hunting practice but i wasnt as good as he was. He could catch more then i could. I sat down by the stream and waited.

I didnt know where our journey would end up, or how far we would have to go. Hopefully somewhere nice. Somewhere with lots of prey, lots of herbs, and a place of happiness and peace. A place where Crowfeather could be happy and a place for me to be happy. Surely there had to be a place like that somewhere?

Crowfeather came padding through the grass. He had caught a rabbit. "Come eat and then we will get moving. This stream cant run on forever." I sat down next to him and each of us took turns taking bites. It was delicious. Prey was definetly running thicker up here. After we had eaten we both took drinks from the stream and started off once again.

The ground slowly went from green grass and plants to hard rock. We had to be careful to not cut our pads out here. The trees were thinning and there was nothing around for miles. The stream was thinning out but didnt stop completely. This area was a dead zone.

We picked up our pace. Trying to get through this area as quickly as possible. How could it be lush with life back there and almost dead up here? I was on alert for any threats. This was not anything that i was used to but after going on the Great Journey how could this be any worse?

We stuck together. Moving as fast as we could without tiring our self. The sun was slowly going down. We had to reach the forest on the other side before nightfall. We could take shelter there and then continue on our way tomorrow. My clan would definitely know i was missing now. Windclan would notice as well their missing warrior. It was too late to turn back now.

When finally we reached the forest on the other side my paws were cracked and my throat dry. I took a drink from the stream and scouted the area. There was a bush right next to a tree that looked promising. I scented the air for any unusual scents. There were none. I poked my nose under the bush and pushed my way through. There was a space at the base of the bush and the tree. It would have to do.

"Theres a den under this bush we can use for the night." i meowed.

"Good, i will go find us something to eat. And then we should get some rest."

As he went off in search of prey i started collecting moss for our den. Something to make the ground a little more comfortable to sleep on. When i had scraped the moss from the trees i took it back to the den and starting shaping it with my claws. When i had that done i laid under the bush and waited for Crowfeather.

When he had appeared carrying a squirrel i slipped out from under the bush and met him. He dropped the prey and nuzzled my neck. We each took turns sharing the prey. When it was done, Crowfeather buried the bones to not attract any predators. We both squeezed into the den.

"Its a bit cramped but it shelters us from the wind." i said shyly.

"Its cozy, i like it." He meowed snuggling closer to me.

We laid there together, feeling each others warmth. When i finally slipped off to sleep, i did so with a smile. We had come this far and we would go farther.

I found myself in the grass. Trees surrounded me, the sky was clouded. Oh no! I must be dreaming with Starclan. I heard a paw step behind me. I whirled around to meet the eyes of a unhappy cat.

"How could you Leafpool? Leave your clan like that? snarled Yellowfang.

My ears laid flat and i lowered my head.

"I had to." i stammered.

"You had to? On who orders did you have to? I have no idea about this reason why you had to! Is it for him?" Yellowfang hissed. Somehow she had an image of Crowfeather running over the moor.

"How-"

"Does it matter how? He is not of your clan. How could you do something like this? Running off with a Windclan cat? Why i'v never-"

"I love him!"

"Love him? You left behind all you know because of love? I loved a cat before and he didnt deserve that love. I murdered him as soon as i had the chance. Sometimes love is not the answer. You were a medicine cat Leafpool, you had a sacred duty to Starclan and you broke that oath."

"You dont understand. I could not live without him. I tried. He is a part of me whether you or anyone else likes it! I believe in the warrior code but i do not believe in breaking my heart because of it!"

"So you will not go back?" Yellowfang said glaring at me.

"No, i have made my choice. I will now live with it."

My dream dissolved around me. I woke startled in our make shift den. Starclan was not happy with me. I had known that since the start. I felt grief wash over me. Did any cat see why i had to do this? Or was i the only one who understood. I nestled deeper into Crowfeathers fur and drifted back off to sleep.

When i woke Crowfeather was already gone. He must be out looking prey while i slept. We needed to start moving. I slipped out of the den and stretched my muscles. Sleeping confined like that felt warm but make my legs ache. I started to give my pelt a nice wash while waiting.

When he finally returned and we had eaten, we started off. We followed the stream. It seemed like the easiest course. We would always be near water so we wouldnt die of thirst, and prey was plentiful around the stream. We followed it til the sun started to dip down in the sky. We found another makeshift camp under a tree's roots and spent the night there.

When dawn broke the next day, we followed the stream once again. We followed the same routine for a couple days. They only thing breaking the monotony was the appearance of the thunderpath. The stream went under the thunderpath! How in Starclan had that happened? The monsters ran on the thunderpath over the stream to the other side. We had to slip into the stream and walk its banks to reach the other side. Other then that every day was of the same nature.

The stream felt like it ran on forever. There was no end to it in sight. We had no troubles since the journey began. It was if Starclan truly was looking down upon us, but that couldnt be true.

Me and Crowfeather grew closer and closer as we went farther and farther from home. We walked with our tails entwined most of the time. We would tell stories to pass the time. We didnt betray clan secrets of course, but we told each other simpler things. He had been a spirited kit by the sound of some of his stories!

We encountered a big river after a few days of travel. It looked to deep and wide to swim so we skirted around it. Then we had to make the decision of whether to break off from the river or keep following.

"We dont know how long this river goes on for. Maybe we should start looking for a place to make camp here." he said while looking around the river.

"Lets follow for a few more days, at least scout ahead. See if there is anything near here that looks promising."

When we left the river behind us, we kept following the stream. We made camp that night in a fallen log. Crowfeather slept near the entrance while i cuddled behind him. He always was looking out to protect me.

The next day we encountered another river. It was longer across then the other one. We spent half the day making our way around it. And when we finally did, we weren't as prepared as we should have been.


End file.
